I had a dream last night. In the dream, I was crying. And I woke up, sobbing.

It's kinda funny how every time I listen to I Don't Care, I'm reminded of you and all the stupid things I did, and as I sing along to the chorus, a small voice in my head says, "But I do care."

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I love Yoseob.

Just putting this here 'cos it's a fact, haha ^^.

I have two choices.

First is to accept the way my weight now and be happy with the way I look, and second is to lose weight until I'm happy with my looks. You might think that the first option is a much easier way out, but in fact, it is just as hard as the second. Otherwise I wouldn't have been trying to lose weight all these years. Since both are just as hard, I'd rather work hard to lose weight.

But damnnnn, losing weight is really difficult.

I'm not happy.

Sometimes I laugh at how simple-minded I can be; I'd get really happy over little things, like when my mum puts my favourite bedsheets on XD.

It's kinda funny how..

..when I liked Yoseob, I had 1001 reasons to like him and none to not like him, and as time passes even though I'm still a big fan, I'm discovering some flaws of his and realise that he's not perfect. But when I liked Wooyoung, I didn't have any reason to like him but I did, and now even though I don't like him in that way anymore, I'm finding some reasons to like him as a 2D person.

Uh I don't really know what the point of this post is lmao.

Juui Dolittle

(Dramawiki)

The reunion of Rui and Makino!!! Ahem. Shun and Narimiya Hiroki are good friends!!! Ahem sorry. Let's get this right. This drama is about vets and pets, two words which can't be separated from each other and also rhyme! LOL SORRY. Not in the right mind now. It's rare that a cast gets me this excited about a drama right from the start haha! XD

Shun acts as Tottori, a vet of first-rate surgery skills with has a sharp tongue who charges outrageously high rates for his services. He's, how do I put this, tsundere. He is merciless with his words, but he talks sense and he's essentially a kind person. I don't necessarily agree with his view that veterinary is a business, but hey, he's a damn good vet, so I'll let that slide. It's hilarious how he's always munching on veggies LOL; I should follow his footsteps and be healthy XD. I, uh, hate Shun's hair here 'cos it looks like it's supposed to look naturally messy but it's just messy without the natural bit, but I love him so that's okay; he still looks good XD. And as always, Shun delivered a solid performance! I love how Tottori's character is apparent in everything he does, right down to his walking; he was just so consistent. And even though Tottori comes across as being emotionally stunted, you can tell that there's something beneath that cold-hard exterior. His eyes are gentle, especially when he looks at animals. Shun is great.

Mao acts as Tajima Asuka, an animal-loving person who, because of her debt, came to work for Tottori as an assistant. She's a kind-hearted, innocent girl who was still finding her own path in life before she met Tottori. Mao is soooo pretty and adorable; I love her eyes! And her complexion. And everything, really. I think her eyes are great assets for her acting; she looks very convincing with that big eyes and unwavering gaze of hers.

Then there's Narimiya Hiroki, acting as Hanabishi, who is nicknamed the "Charisma Vet" and drives a bright red sports car and who's basically just a carbon copy of someone it's not even funny and the heaven is totally making fun of me.

Anyway. He has a trauma of surgeries because he made a mistake in one involving his own pet, which resulted in its death. I think Narimiya Hiroki did a really good job portraying Hanabishi's emotional struggles with his trauma.

As a whole, we get a lot of heartwarming scenes with adorable animals and moments for viewers to reflect on the way they have been treating their pets. The story can get a little draggy sometimes, but I liked this drama, and I'm not even an animal lover :). The main pull is definitely the main actors though XD.

Neeways, apparently Shun's next drama is gonna have Fujiwara Tatsuya (the guy acting as Light in Death Note) as well! I always thought that he looks like Shun LOL this is gonna be interesting~.

I realised that I hate the word "normal".

I got into fandoms for the music, for the personalities, for the crack and laughter. I got into fandoms for entertainment. I like songs, dramas and movies that can make me cry, but I don't need drama in real life.

Back then when there were lotsa controversies surrounding Jaebum's departure from 2PM, I lost interest in the band. Besides, honestly speaking, though the members were entertaining, 2PM's music didn't appeal to me then. Now that things have settled down can I really sit down and give 2PM and its current music a chance, without having to fret over those issues.

Now bigger problems are happening to DBSK. It used to be just lawyers and representatives talking, but now the members themselves are starting to talk. Even their friends are speaking out. We don't know the whole picture, and that is equivalent to not knowing anything at all. I can't judge who is right and who is wrong, and the thing is, I'm not sure I want to. All I want to know is whether they'll ever be together again. I used to think that I'd support all of them, no matter as five, three or two, but right now, I can't. It hurts too much. I don't know what hurts more, listening to old DBSK songs that I know and love or listening to new JYJ/DBSK songs that I'm not familiar with and don't even like.

The DBSK that I fell in love with had five members who were each other's pillars of support, who went through everything together and were closer to each other than real family members are. The DBSK that I fell in love with did not sound like JYJ, or the current DBSK. These two groups are foreign to me; I don't know them. With DBSK, as a fan, I'd have an obligation to listen to their songs over a period of time, after which even the ones I didn't like after the first listen tend to grow on me. But with these two groups, I don't have such an obligation. I don't have to force myself to repeatedly listen to their songs, which bring to me nothing but sadness.

I'm not blaming the members, for I'm sure they're hurting much, much more than I am. They have the right to say whatever they want without having to consider the impact their words, which can be as short as 140 letters, might have on their fans. But right now, I can't close my eyes and ears and "keep the faith", because with whatever that is happening, it doesn't even seem like the members are keeping the faith.

The 2PM I know now has 6 members, and I like that just fine. I still think that Jaebum is great and I'll support his works if they are to my liking. Similarly, maybe, after DBSK clearly states their stand and things have calmed down, I'll give them another listen, whether it's as one or two groups. It'll take a while, though, since the emotional attachment I had with 2PM can't even begin to be compared to that I had with DBSK.

But for now, I'll opt for other artists; the ones whose songs make me smile because of the sweetness of the melody or cry because of the sheer emotion in their voices, the ones who make me laugh at their antics without feeling sad because it's just not the same anymore.

Be strong, Jaejoong, Yunho, Yoochun, Junsu and Changmin.

041210 Mnet Ultimate Live Asia in Singapore

The sound system sucked. It totally did not do their voices justice, and I'm angry at that :/. (Or maybe because I was standing directly in front of the speaker, since somehow in my fancams the sound was actually not as bad as I thought it was.) Still, even with the mic glitches and horrible speaker, the artists did well. I had lotsa fun! We were very close to the stage and a lot of times we could see them quite clearly :). All of them look the same as they do on screen, which means that they look damn good XD.

First was MBLAQ! Lee Joon is so good-looking *__*. His dance solo was awesome! G.O is a really good singer. I was so surprised to realise that he looks a lot like Rain lol.

Next was Miss A! Suzy didn't come, but the other 3 members did well all the same. I felt that they weren't receiving enough cheers so even though I'm not a fan, I cheered for them really loudly hehe. During their performances there were quite a number of mic glitches; organiser/sound manager/whoever I'm looking at you -.-. Anyway, because Min is from America while Jia and Fei are from China, they totally did not need any translator haha!

Third was 2AM! They performed 7 songs. Gosh they were totally amazing IDE *___*. You Wouldn't Answer My Calls almost sent me straight to heaven HAHA. I nearly cried a few times because of Jokwon's singing too. Aside from his incredible vocals he danced girl group dances and some ssanti dances too; he's just too awesome hahaha! Changmin was speaking in English, which surprised me ^^. The members each gave out a teddy bear to the audience too!

Next was Beast! They were wearing their yellow set of Beautiful outfit. They performed 9 songs, which was awesome. They performed well! One of the songs was Clenching A Tight Fist, which made me giddy with happiness 'cos I really love that song and the members hit all the right notes, but also irritated again because of the sound system D:<. Hyunseung was receiving way too little cheers (it made me a little mad, even though he isn't even my bias -.-), so I cheered as much as I could for him. He sounded really good! Dongwoon was so friendly to the fans as usual; he's such a dear :D. Yoseob pulled off the "I don't know~" in Breath perfectly omg I'm so happy to finally witness it live. He didn't look that energetic, though, which is obviously because he is really tired :(. Sigh I'm really worried about him :/. Beast has a craaazy schedule. Be strong, boys!

Last was 2PM! They received the loudest cheers for the night, and every member got lotsa cheers. They performed a whopping 12 songs, had a few changes of costume, put on angel wings for one song and gave out roses. They were the best in ensuring all of us could get a clear view of them, as they went to all parts of the stage, stayed for some time and then switched sides. Honestly speaking I was really tired after cheering with all my might for Beast, but surprisingly, I recovered and found myself enjoying their performances. I really should have taken more fancams of them, but I was really too tired ^^;;. Nichkhun is simply flawless guh, and there's something charming about Taecyeon. Somehow my eyes kept finding Wooyoung, though, I don't even know why XP.

I took a lot of fancams, but because they were all taken using my phone, the picture and sound quality are bad =X. I realised that my Beast fancams are so shaky since I was so distracted because they kept running around and I was cheering too; they are painful to watch lol ^^;;.

I gave a few "firsts" to this concert; the first time staying out for something other than a school camp, the first time some stranger made a pass at me (lol it was hilarious), the first time I tried queuing overnight for something, the first time I went for a full free-standing concert. All in all, I really enjoyed this concert, but really, next time, there's no more queuing overnight/super early for me! I'll just come like one hour before the official queue starts and be contented about being able to listen to them live. Yeah :).

Initially, I wanted to go to random places tomorrow. Take a random bus and see where it would take me, and continue going to other places from there. But then I decided against it, as I'm a self-acknowledged direction idiot lol. So I'm just gonna stay at home. Tonight I'll finish watching Playful Kiss, then continue watching Grey's Anatomy or re-watch Coffee Prince for the nth time, while drinking choya hehe. I'll go on watching till dawn tomorrow, then I'll sleep, and by the time I wake up two-thirds of the day will be gone.

By the way, I won't be contactable by phone tomorrow, so if you wanna contact me, your best bet would be Twitter ^^.

I guess I must be an M, huh.

If you just turn around, I’m here.

Fact #1 about myself

During Beast's promotional period for Breath, I trial-ed the song on Soribada day and night, whenever I was at home. I set the volume really low and if I wanted to listen to music, I'd play it over the song. Sometimes when I had to, say, webcast a lecture whose volume would be really soft, I'd be very frustrated 'cos I'd have to stop trial-ing for the time being. Because I listened to the beginning one minute of the song so many times, sometimes I'd hear Dongwoon's adlib out of nowhere when the song wasn't actually playing.

Now since Beast has stopped their promotions for Breath, I stopped trial-ing the song. I don't listen to only Beast's songs too; I listen to random artists' songs depending on my mood. But Yoseob's "I don't know~" adlib is my handphone ringtone and my alarm tone, so needless to say, other than the times I listen to the actual song or watch performances, I hear it a lot. And it's the first thing I hear when I wake up in the morning. So somehow now like the case with Dongwoon's adlib, I'm hearing that part everywhere even when it's not actually playing.

I listened to the 30 seconds teaser of Beautiful on repeat this morning. I'm counting down to the release of Lights Go On Again tomorrow. I immediately pre-ordered it and Mastermind too, even though before I'd never have bought a mini album for $18. Even though I do like 2AM and I'm okay with 2PM and MBLAQ, if Beast wasn't coming, I wouldn't have even considered spending $180 for the Mnet Ultimate Live this coming December.

What is life? I have no life.

So fact #1: my life has been taken over by Beast.

My exam starts next next Saturday. I have one project due tomorrow and one assignment due on Wednesday. I haven't started studying for my exams yet. I'm on Tumblr 24/7. My mum's gonna be on holiday to China from tomorrow till 2nd December, which means that I'll be doing household chores myself. LOL I'm so screwed.

me.

I'm not pretty or tall, am fat, my complexion isn't wonderful, I dress poorly, don't know how to and can't be bothered to make myself look better. I'm lazy, boring, selfish, cold, inconsiderate, insecure, unappreciative, skeptical, and hypocritical at times. I'm not intelligent. My stamina is bad. I know 3 languages but I suck really badly at all 3, whether it's in terms of writing or orally. I have no skills to speak of, for I tried lots of things but quit halfway. I have no particular interest in anything that matters. I don't know what I want to do with my life.

I might as well jump off the building now.

The last time I had a real lunch was on Tuesday. The last time I had a real dinner was last week. A "real" meal means a full one, things like spinach soup or corn soup not counted. I can't remember when I last ate rice. These past few days, I've only been having breakfast -- bread with nutella or cake that my mum baked and a glass of milk -- in the morning and a plate full of fruits at night. But today, I had to eat all three full meals. Gosh. Can't eat even fake lunch and dinner tomorrow.

I'm looking at and reblogging pictures of food 'cos I'm super hungry. LOL. Pathetic much?