1. Went to the Singapore Flier with my mum yesterday; as it's a complementary ticket for August babies, only I got the ticket and hence I took it alone. Because I knew that I'd be in it alone, I didn't bother bringing camera along - it'd be just lights here and there. The ride was very long and it moved very slowly, but the night scenery was really nice. Ironically, what I found most beautiful wasn't the scenery, but the sight of people - couples, families and friends - using every minute in the capsule to take numerous pictures of the scenery with their loved ones. Staring out the window, I felt like a plague amidst all the happy people.
2. I realised that I have been running away from myself for so long that now when I try to express my emotions, I can't. I used to use the excuse that songs can represent my feelings better than words, but now when I can't even find the right songs that is in tune with what I'm feeling. And the words won't come out. But at the end of the day, I'll just go back to the belief that I planted deep within me - that I can be happy as long as I want to be.
3. I'm quiet because I have nothing to say, not because I keep everything to myself. I used to say that I don't mind silence and I won't feel awkward around people even if no conversation takes place. That's still true. When I'm with people I'm very comfortable with, silence doesn't bother me. When I'm with friends, when there's silence I rack my brain for something to say. When I'm with acquaintances, I don't bother to break the silence. Or maybe everything is false; maybe I just prefer to be left alone.
4. I'm not sensitive, I'm not caring, I'm not thoughtful. If you suspect that I don't care, then you are probably right. I'm someone who wouldn't notice if you feel down, who wouldn't ask a second time if you're okay.
5. I'm a coward - I have a wall around myself to prevent anyone from coming in. If you get too close and I see the danger of me expecting something from you, I'd run away. That way, I won't expect anything and you can't affect me in any way.
6. Happy and sweet songs are nice; they speak of hope, of love, of forever, of ideal things that are beautiful. They make me smile, and quite a number of them makes me happy. It's like how I felt when I watched Junsu recounting how he questioned the existence of God and ending with a smile that "of course God exists"; that innocence is really beautiful.
7. I love music, I love my iPod, I love fandoms. They don't go anywhere; they stay.
